Feb 17 2009
There Is Nothing Romantic About Cheating
Cheating. The word normally brings shivers down the average person’s spine. There are vast amounts of types of cheating but the one, which normally is the most upsetting, is cheating in a relationship. Just this morning I had an e-mail from a very good friend who was distraught because she found out her boyfriend of six years has been cheating on her for the last five months. I quickly called her trying my best to do the typical girlfriend consoling. I too have been cheated on and remember exactly how devastating the situation is. Being cheating on is never easy and of course never feels good. When you find out your significant other is being unfaithful it brings on a myriad of questions.
Why me? What did I do wrong? Am I not good enough? The worst one being: Did I deserve it?
These were the questions that ran through my mind, and the same ones my girlfriend went through last night. Sadly, there are no answers at the point you need them. The answers always come later, normally when the hurt has already disappeared.
Leave it to me to find humor in the situation that is considered one of the worst moments in life. I have found an amazing outlook on cheating. When I said the following phrase to my friend this morning her sobbing turned quickly into laughter.
“He cheated because you are too much woman for him to handle.”
When I was cheated on my heart broke. There were no warning signs really. Our sex life was fine, better than fine actually. I looked wonderful. We treated each other as friends as well as lovers. Then I found out he was leaving me for someone younger and prettier according to him. My heart broke. I sat around feeling sorry for myself and then one day I saw her. I nearly broke into hysterical laughter. Yes, she was younger, much younger and I still wonder how he did not land his butt in jail over that one. However, she was not prettier, just plastic looking. (I pride myself in being natural. I may not be a super model but I do not look like a mannequin either.) A mutual friend tried to have a conversation with my ex’s new girl and gave up. He came to me a little while later saying she had the mental capacity of a tree.
That is when it hit me. I was too much woman for him to handle. He needed someone that made him feel like a big man. Someone he was smarter than, better looking than, and someone who would not challenge him. I started to feel better. Quickly I went from feeling better to understanding.
I had not done a single thing wrong. He was too weak to be with a woman stronger than he was.
I have never cheated on anyone. When I was with who I thought was Mr. Right in my life our relationship was long distance. Early in our relationship I made it very clear I could not be sexually faithful to him if I was only to see him two or three days a week. Sometimes I went two weeks without seeing him since our careers kept us apart at times. Neither of us was faithful in the bedroom department but we made it clear to each other before hand. We never lied about it. When the time came that we decided there would be no one else I stuck to my end of the bargain even though there were a few times I felt a little like I would die from sexual frustration. Later in our relationship, I found he had not taken the agreement as sincerely as I did. My heart broke, we already know that. However, I survived and learned a valuable lesson.
Recently I have been hearing all types of advertisements on the internet radio stations I listen to for a website designed for people in relationships to cheat. These commercials drive me insane. I have strong feelings when it comes to cheating.
Cheaters = Cowards
This new internet site is designed for cowards in my opinion. If you are done with a person or relationship tell the person you are with. What happened to honesty? Why have people become cowards? If you are no longer happy in a relationship, regardless of the situation you should have the guts to step up and say, “I’m done!” Possibly, you still love the person you are with, but are no longer in love with them. Nevertheless, if that is the case then why not respect them enough to be honest with the person? Love and respect go hand in hand, it is necessary. It is very easy to love someone but not be in love with them. The sexual spark has disappeared, the romance in the relationship gone, but you still care about them. Instead of cheating and possibly hurting the person beyond repair, honesty would be the best bet. Yes, being dumped or divorced is painful. However, it is much less painful than being cheated on.
More than likely, there are people out there who are thinking, “But there are the times you don’t mean to cheat. You just make a mistake.” I am sorry but there is no excuse for cheating EVER. If you drink too much and end up in the sack with someone else there were underlying issues. Somewhere in your brain, you were unhappy about something in your relationship. Subconsciously you made the decision to throw caution and honesty to the wind and cheat. I have been so drunk in life that I do not remember how I got home and woke up with a false eyelash on my chin. However, I have never woke up in bed with someone having the terrible thought, “How am I going to explain this to my boyfriend?”
There are also people out there who feel by cheating you can spice up your current relationship. WRONG! There is nothing sexy or romantic about stomping on someone else’s feelings. If you feel the need to have your sexual itched scratched by someone else it is time to evaluate your relationship. Possibly there is something lacking, talk to the person your with about it. Possibly, it can be worked out. If it cannot it is time to go. There is nothing fair about stringing someone on, filling their heads with lies, just be a good person and move on.
Therefore, I end this with a few words of encouragement and also a warning.
If you are the person who is being cheated on, do not give up. He was not the right one for you. You will find someone better. Possibly, you were too much woman for him to handle.
Warning: If you are the person doing the cheating… Karma exists, it will catch up to you and when it does, you will be sorry.
Good luck and remember romance can be achieved!
