Ahh…Romance

A faithful reader, who goes by the name of Rosebud, has approached me with two very intriguing questions:

Why do men hear “sex fiend” when they hear I’m romantic? Or why do men think SEX when the word “romance” is used?

Strangely enough, I have been focusing on this subject myself. When the questions were brought to my attention, I decided it was time to come out with not only my opinions but also a small amount of research I have collected.

First, I believe romance was pushed aside around the same time the second wave of women’s liberation came to its full height. By demanding equal pay, maternity leave and legal equality, women opened new doors to life but also slammed a few shut along the way. When bra’s were torched, arm pit hair grown and women left their children and husbands to go to work to prove a point romance came to a screeching halt!

Ask yourself, why would a man take the time to romance a woman who no longer wanted to be treated special?

 Yes, women should be allowed to vote, yes, they should have equal pay in the work place BUT we are still women and should be treated as such. Sadly, in hopes to step onto an even playing field with men in the workforce we also put ourselves in a different light when it comes to life, love and romance.

Second, I feel television and internet are also partly to blame. When was the last time you tuned into a program and saw a man wining and dining a woman? Not too often unless it is a Life Time original movie or a daytime soap opera. Instead, you see copious amounts of programming where singles line up in hopes to win a date, a chance at love, or a marriage. It really is disgusting. The internet does not help. You can find a date or a one-night stand with the click of a mouse. At this point, there are even websites designed to help you cheat on your significant other. The average person spends three hours a day in front of the television, and four to nine on the internet. Take a moment to consider where I am going with this.

Men do not see romance on a daily basis. They do not watch the movies or read the books that attract women to the ideas of romance. If everything is within reach, there is no longer a chase. Why would a man take the time to romance you when they have sex at the tip of their fingers?

Now you have my opinion on why romance is disappearing at a rapid pace so I will move onto the confusion of sex and romance. (The above two points tie in nicely you will see.)

Women returned to the workplace, mothers were not at home as often as they should be. Children stopped seeing romance in the home as they once had.  Single women and girls were looking for equality. Romance was quickly replaced by sex by the ever-growing battle of the sexes. Romance was considered meek sex was power. Even though I had not been born in the sixties I have read and researched enough to speak on the topic of “Free Love.” The hippies, who felt it was okay to sleep with whoever was available due to the fact it felt good, brought about this movement. The hippies raised their children with a new outlook on love, sex and romance. Once the hippie movement dwindled the opinion of relationships never returned to the chaste way of the 1950’s.

What has happened is: The children and grandchildren of these “free loving” people are now who we are attempting to date or share a relationship with. Their ideas of romance and love are jaded. Pornography swamps the internet, sex is everywhere you look. A romantic date won by an individual on a reality dating show nearly always ends up with the camera stopping as the door closes and the couple disappears into bed. If it does not end that way, they are normally voted off the next episode. Sex is still power.

Men have been allowed by women and society to swap “romance” and “sex” due to the change of the times. Yet, somehow, women like me and my reader Rosebud still crave and expect the sentiment. The main question stays the same: How do we get it back?

My answer: We demand it!

Rosebud claims: When I think “romance,” I think of candlelight, long dinners in a great atmosphere while looking longingly into each other’s eyes, flowers, surprising each other in little ways, or even a “grand gesture” in which there is a life-defining moment where I know his love is true and real and heart-felt. Don’t get me wrong: sex is GREAT and I don’t think I have any issues in that department, but I want both sex AND romance.

 “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is one of my favorite quotes ever. It can fall into every aspect of life, especially romance. If you dream of, yearn for and desire romance, go after it! We have the ability to not only seize but also take control of our romantic lives. . I still demand romance, but in a gentle way. If a man is going to be in my life or share my bed, I need passion, I expect romance.  I precede my following with a warning. This is not an easy road. There are bumps, heartbreak and frustration ahead. If you truly want romance in your life then get ready for a few roadblocks.

With the ever-persistent confusion between romance and love, we must stand strong. On a phone call or e-mail you might say, “I would love to have a romantic evening with you.” You are thinking fine wine and star gazing but he is more than likely thinking, “I’m going to score!”  Once the date actually happens charm him, make him desire you, and do not give into your baser instincts. If he brings up sex politely, make him see it will take more than a dinner or a condom burning a hole in his pocket to get you into bed. I have learned men are willing to give romance as long as we do not push too hard or expect too much. By bringing back the chase and making them anticipate sex, we will not only have our romantic needs fulfilled but when the time comes the possibility of having a tad more emotion tied to the moment when you give in to him.

All in all, the entire things boils down to one basic idea, romance can be achieved. Do not be as foolish as I was once, literally demanding your needs in a childlike fashion and pouting when it is not given. Subtly is key. Hint at things you find romantic, draw him a mental picture of what you need from him, to possibly get what he wants from you.

Eventually he will get your drift and maybe even learn to appreciate the romantic things in life as well. If he does not become keen on your hinting, it may be time to move on and find someone else or settle for a lackluster romance free life.

I for one am not the kind to settle for life devoid of romance. It is something I desire with much fervor. I have seen it first hand and am not willing to settle for second best. I also strongly believe we can have our romance and still have sex. Just make sure the romance comes first and leads up the encounter. If not, if we give into our hormones and sleep with someone they will expect to skip over romance from that point on.

Therefore, the question remains the same. I say stand up for yourself and take romance back!  Are you strong enough to hold out for the best?

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