Ahh…Romance

Anyone who reads anything I’ve written knows I’m bothered by the lack of romance in the world. Today while sitting in the waiting room at a doctor’s office, typing on my laptop, I was asked by the old woman next to me what I was doing. When I informed her I was working she asked what I did for a living. After explaining that I’m a struggling romance author she laughed and said romance novels were silly. This intrigued me so I closed the lid of my computer and turned to her and asked the ever simple question of “Why?”

The explanation I received broke my heart as did the rest of our conversation.

“If women read about romance and love at first sight they may expect it in real life. Since those things don’t exist it’s not good to put silly notions in their heads.”

This stunned me; really, I just stared at her in complete and total astonishment. Over the years I’ve found the older generation to be much more romantic then the people of my own. So of course I couldn’t let the topic drop. I had to wait a few hours for the person I was with and so did she!

It was on!!!

Choosing my words carefully so as not to offend the woman I asked why she thought so badly of love at first sight and romance. Had she never been in love, never had a single touch made her go weak in the knees? I was assured that yes in fact she had encountered both sentiments but men in her day were much different than the ones of today, which I of course agree with. She continued telling me how men of today are selfish as well as insensitive and egotistical. (Again I found myself agreeing) Being my typical starry-eyed-dorky-self I decided to ask this wise and very easy to talk to woman my favorite question.

“But if women show romance is something we love and expect don’t you believe men will come around and try?”

She laughed and told me not to hold my breath. “Men these days don’t have to try as hard as they did in my time. Things have changed too much and writing books about it isn’t going to work. Women are different now too and men know it. If you try to force men to be romantic they’ll move on to an easier catch. Sorry dear but romance and chivalry are both dead and gone .Maybe you should try and write mystery novels instead.”

My companion shocked me again. (Shocking me speechless is pretty damn near impossible but she was able to.) We sat quietly for a few minutes she with her crochet and me with my spinning thoughts. What if she was right? What if there is no chance of ever reviving romance? The consideration was too much for me to take in all at once. Excusing myself I placed my computer in its case and decided to go outside, the fresh air and traffic noise would make me feel better or so I thought. At the door a man was also leaving, he stepped in front of me opened the door, walked outside and dropped the door in my face.

I reasoned with myself. “Maybe he didn’t see me or maybe he was in a hurry.” But the old woman’s words were still in my mind. Romance and chivalry are dead. Pushing open the door I stepped outside to find myself alone with my thoughts.

I am a self proclaimed hopeless romantic. Every movie or book on the subject intrigues me, happy ending or not. There are no promises of happy endings in any situation especially in the land of romance. Yet, chivalry which no one ever really mentions or only refers to it as manners can’t be on the way out or dead as the old woman put it. Despite my aching leg and confining Velcro knee support I began to pace.  I pondered the idea of people being so self-absorbed they have actually forgotten basic courtesies and its correlation with the demise of romance.

That’s when it hit me, I saw the connection. Most people live in the “Now” they are normally interested in “What’s in it for me?” The lack of manners and romance are perhaps dying away due to the fact most people are too worried about finding their own happiness, whether it be short or long term, to think about the needs of others.

Ah Ha! Jackpot!

The old woman was right women and men have changed but in a way I doubt she thought of. We’ve closed ourselves in, everyone is so concerned with themselves the simple things have died because of it!

Driving home I continued to think about the bridge I had started to mentally build and the moment I was alone I started to write. I have my idea. Self-absorption is behind the failing etiquette of society. So now I have a new idea to ponder.

If we left the house without our cell phones or PDA’s and actually made eye contact with another human being would things begin to change? Would people begin to see each other instead of just a figure passing them? Walking down the street if you smiled at one person would they possibly smile at the next person that crossed their path?

The concept of paying it forward comes to mind. Heinlein preached this philosophy, the kindness of one person changing the lives of many. What if our current society starting participating in this philosophy making it a way of life? Could romance and chivalry make a comeback?

Of course I don’t have the answer, but as of tomorrow I’m going to give it a try. Care to join me?

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